When I really needed a place to live

Last week, in all my teary stress, I had to find an apartment. I was desperate and broke. I probably looked at over a dozen apartments, and none of them was quite right. There were a few that could have worked, but they just didn't feel right. Some were too small, too expensive, not dog-friendly, straight-up grim. As I said, I knew that I was looking for the impossible: an apartment that had access to a fenced yard, a good-sized kitchen, storage, sunshine, and enough room for a wild Irish dog to prance around and look out the windows while I was at work. What I was most worried about was finding a place where I could have Wesley and not worried that he was disturbing anyone or causing problems. He is not an easy dog. I wanted a landlord that I felt would be caring and understanding of my situation. Oh, and I needed to be able to afford it.

After reading about this idea in Eat Pray Love, I decided to try writing a petition to God. Here is what I wrote:

Dear God,

I am writing to request that you send me a safe and welcoming place to live that I love and can afford. If I feel safe there, I will be able to have Wesley, thus easing the burden on Ross. I will have more energy to devote to doing my job, and will be more helpful to my students and to my teaching partner. Having a safe home in Boston will allow me to feel safe and comfortable, and open my heart to the world. It will help me to be better able to give goodness and kindness to the world, and to do the work that I know you have planned for me to do. Please accept my respectful request, and know that I appreciate all of the kindness, goodness, and beauty you have sent to me and allowed me to experience throughout my life...(then some private stuff)

Respectfully yours,

Katrina

Then, I imagined all of the people who would sign my petition for a warm, loving, and welcoming place to live where I felt safe. My parents signed it, of course, my brother and his family, my therapist, my close friends, my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend. Aunts, uncles, cousins, former students and their families. The list went on and on. I kept coming up with more and more people who care about me, and who would want to support me and see him happy. People who, if they knew about this situation, would want to help make it better. There were so many people who would sign my petition, so many people who felt that their lives were better in some small way, because of me. I could not contain my gratitude for all the love and kindness that I am blessed with in my life. So many people that I am connected to, who wish happiness and goodness to come to me. I cried tears of gratitude as I made that list in my mind of virtual signatures. Afterwards, I felt infinitely better. I was relaxed, and said to myself, "OK, I have done everything I can do. It's in someone else's hands, now." I also had this feeling that I was making the decision that was best for me, the one I knew I had to make, and since I had done that, the rest would have to just fall into place. I went out to lunch with my friend and just forgot about the rest.

Four hours later, I went to an open house at a 1 BR in Roslindale. The first thing I noticed was the fenced yard, which was mostly dirt, with some toys in it. "Hmm," I thought, "They obviously wouldn't be pissed at Wesley for running around and ripping up the yard." I walked up to the back deck, where I saw a couple of people standing and chatting. A tall man introduced himself as the owner of the house, who lived upstairs with his family. "I'm Scott," he said, "Sorry about the yard. See, I'm a dog trainer." A. Dog. Trainer. I practically clutched at him, "So, would it be OK if I lived here with a dog part time? He's a bit wild, but he's a really good dog, and I would make sure he was well behaved..." He cut me off: "Part time, he could live here all the time. The people here now have a dog. He's your dog." I almost didn't need to see the inside. But I went inside. Big kitchen. Lots of storage. Dining room. Free laundry in the basement. Warm, caring owners who lived upstairs. Pet-friendly. It was exactly what I had asked God for. And, I could afford it.

I called the family an hour after seeing the place to tell them that I was interested. They said I would talk it over and call me back. As I was waiting for the return call, I thought, "Maybe I should send Scott and Alison a copy of the petition." So, in my mind I sent it to them, adding a few more signatures. As I was doing this, the phone rang. It was Alison, telling me that she thought it was a good fit, and that they would just have to check my references. A few days later, when I went to sign the lease, broke, but knowing that somehow the money thing would work out, Alison informed me that they didn't do a security deposit, and that she and Scott had been planning to ask for last month's rent, but decided against it, because it was too much of a pain. "Hold onto your money," she said. "Pay us first month when you move it, and we'll go from there. As long as we can pay our mortgage by the 16th, we're OK." The money was taken care of.

This is what I'm dealing with on a regular basis. How can I ever express my gratitude adequately?