Confessions of a Mormon Missionary: Part 1

A few years ago, I interviewed a former Mormon missionary. I transcribed the tapes of our interviews, and then took it all apart and wove it back together so that it could be constructed in the form of a narrative, all told in her voice and in her own words. The interview process is mostly digging at first, because you don't really know what you are looking for. Eventually, you hone in on it and start to pick apart the thread of a story in all of it. Laborious, difficult work, but one of my favorite things to do. Here is the first part of her story.

Growing up in Salt Lake in my family was pretty sheltered. I grew up with parents that were very...not necessarily structured, but demanded obedience and what they expected was pretty much how it was. There wasn't a lot of undermining. It was a lifestyle, it was definitely a lifestyle. Sundays we did not go to movies, we did not go shopping. We went to church and we spent it with our families. We didn't drink alcohol in our family, we didn't watch R-rated movies. Monday nights were set aside for families to be together. And that was frequently a part of our growing up. We would always have family prayer and blessings on the food. Our family wasn't as diligent about daily scripture reading. In fact, we weren't diligent about that at all. Many, many families are and we did that on occasion, but that took a huge play.

Some of my friends were in the Mormon Church, some were not. My family didn't discourage friendships with those that weren't of the same religion, in contrast to what is frequently the case [in Salt Lake]. There were always at least a couple of friends that weren't Mormon, and yet their values and their lives always seemed equally sheltered and equally similar.

My parents set a really wonderful example. They had both grown up in homes that were not particularly active in the Church. In fact, not at all active by Utah standards. They both drank and smoked and, even though they had many other family members that were active, it wasn't until my sisters were older that my parents decided that they really wanted to live the Gospel. They quit smoking and they prepared to get re-married in the Temple. When you're married in the Temple it's called a Sealing. That's a ceremony that seals a husband and wife together with their children under the covenants of the Temple. Children that are born after that are born under the covenant as well. There's not any need to go back with each new child as it's born. In fact, children are not permitted in the Temple; it's something intended for adults.

The covenants and promises you make in the Temple are permanent. They're forever. You promise to keep the commandments that are outlined in the Church, but to a higher level. For example, if you were to have premarital sex after going through the Temple, the consequences are going to be much graver than if you had not gone through the Temple. The covenants are similar to those you would make at baptism: that of following Jesus Christ, taking his name upon you, things like that. They all have ot do with just honoring the Lord. However, in the Temple, it's a higher commitment and higher expectations are made at that time. So you want to make sure that when you go through, that you're truly ready and it's not something you're fence-sitting about. Once you make that commitment, you never go back.

I went to the Temple just within a week of leaving for my mission. Going on a mission was not something that I had planned on. Women have to be at least 21 before they go and I had turned 21 early in my junior year of college. I had thought about going, but it just didn't feel right and I put the thoughts aside, since as you grow older in Utah, the expectation is that you get married and produce children, more or less, and so I didn't think that I would go if I didn't go right when I turned 21.

The summer after my junior year, literally out of the blue, I just started having very strong impressions that a mission was what I needed to do. I had some very strong promptings for the Lord that led me to that decision and everything fell into place very quickly. Usually it's something that young adults will prepare for all of their lives or at least for years, and I really hadn't done that. It had never been more than a few passing thoughts. Then one night I was praying and hand thought about it. The next evening, I went and spoke to my bishop, and just had this overwhelming peace in speaking with him, and just in feeling the spirit of the Lord, that that was what I needed to do.

When I decided to go, it just felt so incredibly right, and things fell into place so quickly that I just never questioned the decision. It worked really quite smoothly in the scheme of things. And it was nice to have my senior year of college to look forward to upon coming back from my mission. That way I wasn't faced with, "Oh, what am I going to do now?" There was still this place waiting for me, the social circles in the scholastic area where I was. And so it was very comfortable to leave and then to come back.

My parents were beside themselves. My brother was preparing to leave for his mission, and he had actually been called to go to Chile. My parents had planned on that and his date was set within the next couple of months to leave for the Mission Training Center (MTC). They had not prepared, however, for me to leave. First of all, they thought that they were going to have me at home alone and were looking forward to that. We had gotten to a point in our relationship that we were finally friends, after having quite a few turbulent years. So they were sad that I would be leaving, but also, financially, it was a shock to them. At that time, there wasn't a fixed monthly rate to support a missionary, and each mission was different financially. Washington DC, where I was called to serve, was about $400 a month, as opposed to a little less than $200 a month for my brother in South America. I had not saved for my mission, I had not prepared, so it put them in a really difficult situation financially to support both my brother and me at the same time.